Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
