You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize