I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize