why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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