I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
