dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
only if we run a train.
done.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
