I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
