it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
