Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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