i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we should paint friendship bongs
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