oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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