im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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