We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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