the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
