you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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