Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
