I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
