Can Purell be used as lube?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
