Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
