we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
