and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
