Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
