im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
there is puke in my bra ... again
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