If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
