i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
