I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
