she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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