Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
