Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize