I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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