Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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