is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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