if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
