blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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