i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
