The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
