He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do vagina's smell?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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