The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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