Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
COCAINE IS GR8
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
