Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
