shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
