It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
