Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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