Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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