I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They took my balls.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
im on a boat
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