i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
