Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
