Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
