eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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