just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
