do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
