bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
