You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
