Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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