apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
