you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
