so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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