Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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