I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
