You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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