come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
someone owes me an orgasm
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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