i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
