one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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