Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
