So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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